You.

After my high school boyfriend broke my 16 year old heart, I began writing down things that I would look for in a future husband, entitled “You.” I told myself that unless a guy could check all of the boxes, I wouldn’t even consider him. I began thinking of characteristics I wanted my future spouse to have. Of course some things were more obvious than others, such as wanting a man that was undoubtedly kind. One that was the same level of kindness with or without me around. I wanted to be able to leave a room and have confidence that my man wasn’t going to do anything that I’d have to apologize for later and end up feeling ashamed. I wanted a guy that would respect me, respect my yeses and my no’s, respect my mind, body, and emotions. I was looking for someone that would put me on a pedistool and treat me like a queen. I began to tire of trying to make my last boyfriend into a better man than he actually was. So I told myself, I would not be entering into a relationship in which I felt the need to fix him, and make him into something he wasn’t. I wanted to find someone that had the same goals in life as me. It was highly important to me that I found someone that was as highly driven as myself, someone that could have a good time but not get carried away with life’s temptations of drugs, alcohol and the entertainment this world has so much to offer. Goals that included helping mold each other into the people we had the potential to be, rather than encouraging complacency. I wanted to find someone that loved me for my faults but encouraged me to be better without shaming me for my many mistakes. I hoped that we could do this together in order to help each other achieve our ultimate goal of heaven. I battled loneliness for years due to life’s circumstances and hoped that I’d be able to find someone that would put me above himself, even when it hurt to do so. I wanted to meet someone that I could bring home and say, “This is him, I’m so excited for you to meet him. You’ll love him just as I do.” I didn’t want to have to worry that he would come across as rude or use the excuse of, “you just don’t know him like I do.” I wanted to be proud of who I was bringing home and proud of who I was choosing to spend my life with. I love to laugh and be around people that love to do the same, so I hoped so dearly that I would meet someone that I could just laugh with. Someone that would find my little corks cute and funny and someone I could make jokes with. It’s so important in life to have someone you can laugh with, because life also comes with a lot of hardships and if we can’t find joy in the small things in life, where can we find it? I wanted to find someone that had similar interests as me or at least a willingness to try new things. We didn’t necessarily need to have everything in common but at least be able to go enjoy outdoor adventures together and explore the world together, but also be able to just present with each other and find complete contentment in that itself. I’ve found it to be so easy to love people for where you want them to be and not where they are. Which is why it is so important to really look at a person and make sure that these qualities I loved so much about them now and the heart of who they were would remain the same in the years to come. I prayed that I’d find someone that would be a devout and gracious husband and some time down the line, a wonderful, playful, and dedicated father. I hoped to find someone that would show me love with the most appropriate and gracious affection. Someone that would hold my hand and make me feel safe, rub my back and tell me everything was going to be okay, kiss my forehead and tell me how beautiful I am, inside and out. I wanted a loyal man, someone that was so truly honest in everything he said and did and lived his life in a respectable manner. I dated people in the past that couldn’t quite understand the hardships I had been through and not only that, but didn’t know what to say or how to say it in times of duress. I hoped that I would meet someone that maybe hadn’t experienced the same level of hardships but could appreciate what I had been through and just be there with me through my best and worst days all the same. I didn’t want to be embarrassed of my significant other and his behavior towards other women. I hoped that my man would only talk about me in such a manner that was kind, pure, lovely and true. I wanted to meet a man that has such a hard work ethic. One that would always be jumping up to help in whatever way he could. I am a busy bee myself and don’t think I could ever be with someone that was content with laziness. It was important to me that he have a strong work ethic. Even though all of those things were extremely important to me, what mattered most is that he loved the Lord with all of his heart. Now of course, I didn’t just come up with this whole list on the spot but over the past eight or so years, I have adjusted my list and added things to it. The older I got, I realized how important certain things were and how less important other things were.

I craved to be chosen, to be so important to someone one day, so much it hurt. It was a battle I faced for many years. I had to learn to become independent at a much younger age than most. I learned that even the people you love the most and hold the highest in your mind have the ability to let you down and hurt you, not intentionally, but we are all human. God taught me over the years that He and He only could be what I was looking for and until I found my fulfillment in Him, I would never be content. I truly believe with all of my heart that God has been working on me, especially over the past 10 years to help mold me into who I am today. His timing is perfect. I was hurt by a lot of men before I came to be where I am today. I made choices that I’m not proud of in order to feel wanted, even if it was brief. God taught me that His love is everlasting. It was only when I really came to realize that, that I stumbled upon you. You check every box and are more than what a list can contain. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about who you and are and how much you make me feel loved, adored, and cherished. You are more than I could ever ask for and I am thankful for every guy that ever broke my heart because it led me to you. I wish so badly that I hadn’t had to have gone through the years of heartache that I did, but I’m grateful that God used those years to help mold me into who I am today. Who I am today is somebody so grateful for how you love me and how you make me feel. I hope that I too can be all of the things you are for me and then some because you deserve nothing less.

It’s YOU, Logan Michael Misevicz.